Reading Time: 37 minutes
Netanella Wesseik from Israel made it all the way from dreaming about kung fu to studying martial arts in China. From early childhood, every night, she used to see fantasy dreams where she killed bad people and protected good ones. Every night! While her peers in kindergarten wanted to be a princess, Netanella dreamed of becoming a samurai. When she was 14, she started to collect daggers and swords from all over the world. At 19, she refused to serve the Israeli army and declared pacifism: “I didn’t want to be a part of something that I am not sure I fully understand or support.” Ten years later, working three jobs to save up, she finally made it to China to study Shaolin Kung Fu.
BORN A FIGHTER
My name is Netanella Wesseik. I am 33 years old. I was born and raised in Israel, and the first time when I came out of the country was to study Kung Fu in China.
I was born a fighter. My mum always tells me that sort of stories, you know, that before I could walk, talk, or do anything, I… fought. When I was in pre-kindergarten, I used to bite kids who were mean to other kids. I was a protector, and never like a fighter just to fight. I was always willing to stand up and fight, not tolerating any unfair situation.
“I NEVER AGREED TO BE A PART OF THE GROUP”
Ever since a young age, I took myself out of the paved way because I had such a big desire to protect. You know how the kids are… Sometimes they group up and they go all against one person – like no one talking to that child because he stinks or – whatever, bullying is bullying. I never agreed to be a part of that group and was the one to say, “No, that kid didn’t do anything to me.” And that put me out because then those kids didn’t like me. Although I didn’t mind that much. I saw no common sense in what they were doing so it didn’t bother me to be shunned by them.
“I WANTED TO BE A SAMURAI”
I remember when I was a kid, all the girls around me wanted to be a princess, queen, all that stuff, and I wanted to be a samurai, to have a sword or better two short swords. It was my dream – to fight, to protect… I didn’t question it; I didn’t wonder where it came from; it was just there.
When I was growing, I never took that dream to reality. Funny enough, I had a very brief encounter with taekwondo when I was 14. But the moment came when I had to perform in front of the class, and I didn’t want to. That was stage fright. I didn’t feel confident enough and it just made me stop further practicing. Actually, when I just started martial arts, it came again. Whenever I used to show my form in front of the class and the master, I used to mess it up. That first stage fright was always in my background, still there.
LOVE OF MARTIAL ARTS
When I was a kid, my mum used to read me Lord of the rings (thank you, mum!) as a bedtime story. So, you know, weapons and fighting were already there but nothing much else. I don’t remember myself watching martial art movies or reading martial art books. It was just always there for some reason, and I never doubted it. It was just there.
DREAMS IN A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE
Almost every night, I used to have super violent dreams. It’s funny because I don’t know if “violent” is the right word to call them. It was never unnecessary violence. I was never myself, never in my body, never Natannela; neither was it this life. No. Either it was happening in a parallel universe or a different time or century. I was sometimes in a man’s body or woman`s or an animal’s body. I was always protecting and never attacking. I was defending the throne from the servers; I was protecting my family from rebels; I was protecting myself from chasers, etc. I was holding a sword or a bow and arrows and learned how to ride a horse well, how to fight barehanded… It was always fantasy dreams – something like I was playing chess with the Red Dragon and having a conversation with him. You know… How weird is that? (Laughs.)
I had dreams in different languages. I would wake up and be like, “Oh my God, I just dreamt in Swedish!” It was never a reaction to something that I read or watched, any links with something that I went through. It was very random, never based on something that came from real life. It was basically like watching a movie or a glimpse of a past life.
“MY MUM GAVE ME LOTS OF FREEDOM”
A big part of the fact who I am and where I am right now is thanks to my mum (again, mum, thank you very much!). I was raised in a very open-minded house. My mum is very open to spirituality and exploring the mind and the body, and always, ever since I remember, one thing she insisted on is for me to be happy. She was always telling – whatever you might do, I might not approve it but I’m behind you. In fact, she rarely disapproved of anything I did because she left me that freedom so I was very much inside the line of ethics; I was never a rebel. I always had my internal compass to lead me as well as I had this sense of justice and desire to protect. She knows that I have my own common sense and she trusts it. She always did and it gave me lots of freedom.
“IN MY HOUSE, IT IS NORMAL TO TALK ABOUT PAST LIVES”
So I did tell my mum about my dreams, and she said – it’s normal. In my house, it is actually normal to talk about past lives, reincarnation, dreams… And if I dream something like that, the first thing I do after is to write to a WhatsApp group where my mum, my brother, and sister are. And my brother is like, “Mmm… Interesting, what would that mean…” They never look just at the superficial surface, trying to go deeper and finding the meaning. They are first to give me good feedback and that is amazing. So I felt very natural. I was never looked upon as a weird person who dreams about killing people.
LIFE-CHANGING MOMENT IN THE 8th GRADE
When I was in 8th Grade, I went through a tough situation, which changed me a lot. I went to a public toilet in the school and three girls locked me inside for no reason. (I used to be a very silent kid in a school – always with a book and an apple. That was my life.) I remember freaking out, starting to cry uncontrollably and desperately trying to understand why they would do that to me as I didn’t do anything to them. After shouting and crying for a few minutes, I cut myself in a moment of self-realization and I said to myself, “Okay, first relax. Yes, it’s not nice, but it’s also not the worst case and it is possible to get out – for instance, climbing up or crawling down.” Done.
“Second thing,” I was thinking. “Why are you letting these people that are doing such a bad deed for no reason to get to you? Why? They are the poor ones!” So I stopped crying and I got out of there but it really hardened me a bit in both good and bad ways.
I understood that most times, actions of people have nothing to do with you – they’re bored or suffering. It also made me a bit rougher – I became less sensitive to that kind of thing. So it made me a little bit of an outsider. It was a very important life-changing moment for me. I felt attacked. Unprotected. Vulnerable. It’s not that I had a problem with myself for being vulnerable. No, I had a problem with them taking advantage of that vulnerability. Later in life, of course, I got hurt again living in different situations, but this case was when I knowingly put my gun down.
“POPULARITY IN HIGH SCHOOL DIDN’T SUCK ME IN”
Starting high school, I suddenly became from a very unpopular kid to a very popular one. I don’t really know why. I was around 12 – you know, that age, when probably people start to realize that they have their own identity and maybe they are looking for someone who already has a sense of self. My fighting spirit always attracted people to me and created aversions at the same time. Lots of times, people either really like me or dislike me.
I wasn’t identifying myself with boys or girls, good or bad students. No, it still was I; I was okay with it, and wasn’t trying to be anything I wasn’t. My classmates kind of felt comfortable next to me because I was not judging or… Whatever. It was very weird – to be popular. And again, it was amazing that it didn’t suck me in! Nothing changed – me was me, watching myself and observing the social behavior of the people who used to call me “shithead” in my face two weeks before and suddenly kissing my ass after. I couldn`t understand that.
The fantastic thing is that now I`m telling that to you and realize that I didn’t hold a grudge on them. I was compassionate. I didn’t choose to be their friend but I was never mean to them.
“NEVER TALK BAD THINGS BEHIND PEOPLE’S BACK”
At this time, when I became popular and it could go to your head, my mum used to talk with me about bad speech – never gossip, never talk bad things behind people’s backs. And I think that is something that is not really emphasized enough in the world, you know, people don`t understand the importance of it – as soon as you spread something out, it has weight. Bad speech is more than that – it’s bad energy, bad thoughts, bad intention.
“I HAVE A LOT OF SWORDS IN REAL LIFE”
I started to collect cold weapons when I was 14. I used to have a lot of daggers and swords from different countries, and even one really nice envelope opener. I remember dreaming once about killing someone with that – can you imagine? (Laughs.)
I think in high school, my dreams became more vivid, more martial art-oriented. I kept seeing those fantasy dreams every night for years! I killed thousands but only bad people – using an ax, a bow, and arrow, daggers, all sorts of swords, bare hands… I remember waking up in the morning and remembering the dreams in amazing details – not only where it was but the sensation of familiarity was there.
One time I was dreaming that I was in gorilla’s force and we were fighting in the forest. I was fighting with two short swords the guy in front of me: first, I stabbed him and killed after, and then I noticed like someone was attacking me from behind so I cut off his head with one movement. The way I lifted my arm and did the hip movement – it was experienced… Again, it wasn’t something that I saw in the movies or read about; it was something that I did. I really loved those dreams! I was so excited to go to sleep every night!
REFUSED TO SERVE ARMY
After high school, I was 19, and I was in a gap year. I chose not to go to the Israeli military, which is compulsory for both men (three years) and women (two years). But you can’t simply refuse to serve the army in Israel so this is my story where I had to fight. I didn’t agree with the concept of military and I didn’t want to be a part of something that I am not sure I fully understand or support. So I declared pacifism. Which is a hilarious thing after all this conversation that we`ve just had. (Smiles.) Let’s say, it was the furthest from the lie because the other things were to declare that you are religious or mentally ill.
Anyway, I still think that the idea of pacifism means that you are against the concept of the military which is not necessarily true for me. I am not sure if I’m a pacifist. It was a long process – it took me about a year.
STUDIED CARPENTRY AND CHINESE
During this year, I did and studied lots of things. I started horseback riding, and lots of arts, like woodcraft, carpentry, sculpting, painting, and I studied Chinese. I actually wanted to study Japanese, but I couldn’t find a teacher. I enjoyed it so much!
“MY FIRST JOINT WAS AT 21”
Then when I was 21, I got lost. I don’t know what exactly got me lost. I found that lots of Israeli people when they finish the military, travel to South America or India, and lots of my friends went. So did I together with my brother who was 22 at that time. It was a 6-month trip to South America, where I just lost myself more.
All my life, I had a dream of traveling the world, exploring different cultures, and finding my own path, and suddenly, I got away from Israel and started to be scared of my own shadow. There were a few explanations of that – firstly, it was 2000 and no Internet to Google your way out of any situations, no even a simple phone. Secondly, I wanted to experience more authentic places and less touristy, but the way Israeli people travel is very constructed and very oriented – “I`ve been there, I`ve done that.” That’s it. Also, lots of drugs, lots of alcohol. I was never a part of the herd but due to the lack of familiarity, I became a part of the herd. I started drinking and smoking which I never did before. My first joint was when I was 21.
“I REALLY LOST MYSELF”
It was a total inner split. One part of me was pretty okay trying to be comfortable with people around me, but the other part was just shouting in my head: “You don’t belong here, you don’t belong to these people, you don’t belong to this place!” But I didn’t have the guts to get up and do my own thing, so I did that for half a year. Surely, there were beautiful moments but the main thing that I remember is that it was mostly a struggle.
So when I got to Israel six months after, I was a shadow. I really lost myself. I lost that kind of stability I had before. The way I saw myself was that I`m full of shit, you know… My sense of self disappeared.
This is I`m telling you after years of understanding but back then, I didn’t understand that this was a problem. I was in Israel for two months and I was going crazy as I really could not feel myself. So I went off again to the US for another six months – I worked there, lived a bit in New York trying to find myself, then I came back to Israel again.
“I REALIZED THAT I DIDN’T LIKE MY JOB, OR MY PARTNER”
I was 25. I had to study, so I chose interior design school to involve my artistic side. I moved to another city. Also, as we didn’t have much money in my house and sometimes I felt poor, I got this idea that I had to find a job to make lots of money. So I became a bartender in such a pretentious place, you can’t imagine! I don’t remember the owner of the place to pull out a smile, honestly. (Chuckles.)
One day I woke up and thought that the past year since I had moved to the other city, I`ve been living like a zombie. I found myself in a study that wasn’t really fitting me, a job that I hated, and having the partner that I absolutely disliked. It was an autopilot mood – just living day by day, not experiencing and not actually being present in my own life.
So the first thing that I did was getting rid of my boyfriend – he was the biggest problem. I was with him for a year; he was pretty much a dickhead. But I broke up with him because I summoned to myself what I think I deserve. And suddenly, I realized – I deserve better. Then I stopped school because I realized that it wasn’t my thing. Finally, I quit my old job and found another one.
“ALL THE TIME I TRIED TO UNDERSTAND MYSELF”
During all that time, I kept exploring myself, trying to understand. I started seeing a therapist and psychologists because, you know, even though I was doing all those things like changing jobs and moving to other cities, I always had that cloud of depression above me. I always felt that I was not myself in the end. And all this time, the fantasy dreams kept going.
“THREE WEEKS IN SPAIN CHANGED EVERYTHING”
In search of myself, I tried another thing – going to University and studying general history and English literature, which again was interesting but not my thing. After I finished the first semester, I went for a three-week holiday in Spain alone – I was about 27, and that was the first time when I went alone for a holiday since I was 21. I was on my own. And I could handle that pretty well. And I think that something clicked in my head without me being aware. So here we are.
I came back after my trip. It was the first day of the second semester at University. I was sitting in my first class and suddenly, I felt this black cloud of depression bumping on me, sitting on me with its arms around my neck and suffocating me. So I was like, “Nat, what the hell are you doing here? This is not your place.” I don’t remember if I even finished that school day but I got back to my apartment and sat in front of my laptop and googled – Kung Fu schools in China.
“TO SAVE UP, I WORKED THREE JOBS”
Studying Kung Fu in China was always a dream in the back of my mind, but never something that I digested or thought would be possible. I actually thought girls couldn’t do that. But I found out many results on Google that it’s possible. I decided this is what I was going to do. The next day I quit University. I started working two more jobs, so three in total – to save up. I was working back to back for six months. I remember telling my roommates about my plans – they were like, “Whaaat??? Kung Fu? It’s sooo cool!” (Smiles.)
“MY DREAMS WERE REPLACED BY DEJA VU”
I went to China in July 2014. I was about to turn 28. I fell in love with the place immediately. It was in the mountains (Shandong province). According to the legend, this is where Taoism started. It was incredibly beautiful and very green. You know what? I started training martial arts, and my dreams just stopped. I feel like it was something in my subconsciousness that was trying to slap my hand and tell myself, “Hey girl, look in the right direction!” It took me about 27 years, though. But I got to it eventually (Smiles.)
My dreams were replaced by déjà vu. So I learned the moves, and I had the sensation that I`d done that before. I did a kick, and I felt like I’d been there before. I picked up on it very quickly. Obviously, it helped a lot that my body is naturally flexible and I did yoga before, but still, I came there and the understanding of the movement was very natural to me. That’s not something that I observed, that was something that my masters saw.
KUNG FU FOR TOURISTS
Despite that the school was a bit commercialized, it was a good place to start. Unfortunately, in a lot of schools in China, they teach a kind of watered-down martial arts because they look at foreigners as kung fu tourists. And because that is a very big school, the master was not really watching and not always present. A lot of things that I know I was taught by old students that have been there for years. Still, it was not the experience that I was looking for. But I didn’t care; I just cared about learning martial arts.
“I NEVER DID ANY SPORT BEFORE – NO EVEN JOGGING”
In my school, they were teaching different styles of kung fu – Shaolin, Wing Chun, Mantis, so students were divided by groups. The first three months I trained Wing Chun. I liked it and also it was less acrobatic. In fact, I never did any sports before (not even jogging or weights) and was quite a heavy smoker. So I started from 0 to 100. After three months, when I felt that my body built a little bit of endurance, I began to learn Shaolin Kung Fu which was my real dream.
“THIS DUDE IS A BRICK”
There were three young teachers and one experienced master (he was about 54) at school. He was a short dude, but you look at him and understand that this dude is a brick. He looks squared. “Refrigerator,” came to my mind when I first looked at him. He used to get up at 4 a.m. and run all the way up to the temple, which is like four thousand steps, run all the way down and start with the training. And I wanted to learn kung fu with him that he could give me a little extra – not only the external part of martial art but also internal. So I came to him and I asked, “Shifu [it means ‘teacher’ in Chinese, – Ed.], I want to move to your group. I want to study how to become a fighter.” “Yes,” this was all he said.
“I WAS CONSTANTLY SLAPPED AND HIT”
We were a small group of five, and he was constantly on us. The master was always hitting me with his stick or a sword – this is how you learn in China. If you are doing a bad movement or misbehaving, you will get a slap. And he slapped me a lot – on my face, on my ass, all the time. And I didn’t mind because it is a part of the teaching. I was with him for three months and learned the basics of Shaolin. I loved it a lot! It was so familiar to me! This is the only time that I can remember that I arrived at a new place and sensed such a familiarity with it. I didn’t feel lost. I felt like I found myself in some way. Like I found a peace in myself.
“HE IS A HARDCORE MASTER”
After six months, I went back to Israel. I was sure – this is what I want to do, so I set a financial goal to be able to come back to China for at least two years [a year of studying at school cost $5,500 at that time, now it’s over $6500 – Ed.].
Also, during that time, I was looking for a new teacher. I heard about one master who trained in a Shaolin temple for many years – a hardcore master, very serious, very authentic, who left the school I was studying at because he had a disagreement with a headmaster. He didn’t like the way that foreigners were treated there. He didn’t like the way that the headmaster looked at them as money-making machines. He wanted to teach them proper Shaolin and he was being told off for doing so. I contacted this teacher and luckily enough, he opened up a school in North-East China.
For a year, I worked two jobs and saved up money. I went to China again in June 2016, even though two weeks before, I sprained my ankle, and it was very painful.
“I FOUND THE FAMILY”
It was a tiny school hosting eight of us, students, and he was the only master. All of the students were foreigners, very attentive, and serious people. Some of them had been training martial art for 5-10 years. So I found the family. We lived on the farm in the middle of nowhere. My master lived with us. We ate all together; we slept together; we trained together and went out to the city together to buy groceries.
“SLOW DOWN. YOU ARE NOT 21”
In the beginning, I struggled a lot because my body wasn’t there where I expected it to be. My body wasn’t as fast as my mind. My master always called me a fire tiger because I was born in a year of a Tiger according to the Chinese calendar. My zodiac sign is a Leo, also. I mean, fire, speed, anger – it’s all about me. The master used to tell me from day 1, “Calm down, slowly, be patient, you are not 21, listen to your body.”
He banged that in my head, still I didn’t listen to him, and after one month I injured myself. It really forced me to slow down. I wish I don`t carry that injury with me but I still do. I tore my cartilage in a hip. Now, continuously during the training, I feel pain and I have to be mindful and aware of my body. When it happened, maybe for a second I`ve got this thing in my mind – okay, perhaps it’s not my stuff and I have to go to India and do yoga. But after talking to the master and my friends, I started to see it as a lesson and opportunity to grow. So I decided to stay.
“MY MUM WOULD NEVER PUSH HER DESIRES ON ME”
Of course, during this hard time, I was talking a lot with my mum and my brother. Of course, she told me that she misses me a lot, but she would never push her desires on me and demanding from me to return. No. She’d look at it at the most objective side that she can, she`d shed light, she`d help me to see the situations from different angles, she`d remind me that sometimes I have patterns that I forget about, she`d tell to be more patient towards myself because sometimes I judge myself very harshly, and I hold myself to very high standards. She reminds me she loves me a lot. I know that no matter what I choose, she’s always going to be there for me. My relations with my mum is a huge rock that I always carry with me. She always supports me no matter what.
“MASTER PUSHES US TO FACE OUR FEARS”
One time lots of students left for a competition, and we were just three, so an odd number, and my master was going in pair with me. For the whole month, I was constantly punched and kicked. He didn’t tell you what to do – you had to understand what you were doing wrong by yourself. Usually, it takes a lot for people without any background in martial arts to master a punch. But I picked it up so fast! I just knew where to get power from, and he was amazed and loved that energy.
He’s only 36 but he’s such a great master! He kind of tailor-made the training for each student – he sees the character, the abilities, the difficulties and pushes, pushes until you go out of your comfort zone and face your fears, anger, all those things that people don’t want to face. As for me, he was trying to make me angry because I had anger issues. I still obviously have but much less than I used to have. He knew I have lots of power so he taught me soft arts, like tai chi, to develop that soft side.
THE SCHEDULE: KUNG FU AND TAI CHI ALL DAY LONG
Every day, except weekends, we got up at 5.30 a.m. and started by practicing qigong [a combination of body posture, meditation, a breath, and mind, – Ed.] After we practiced tai chi, then at 8.30, we had a breakfast break. Sometimes we did qinna in the mornings [or Chin Na – the set of techniques to lock an opponent’s joints or muscles so he cannot move, – Ed.] Then we practiced Shaolin Kung Fu until 12.
After that, we had a lunch break until 2.30-3 p.m. In the afternoon, we usually did kickboxing or power training, which is a hardcore three hours of weights, running, animal walking, etc. Then we had dinner and a revision of tai chi, qigong, or whatever you choose. Our last class was at 8 p.m. I used to go to sleep every day around 9-10 p.m. We had Saturday and Sunday off and Friday we usually finished at 4 p.m. In break times, I read a lot and did a lot of art. Other people even trained extra.
“FUCKING STEAMED RICE EVERY DAY”
We were eating fucking white steamed rice every day for a year. We also had chicken, eggs, tomatoes, eggplants… Chinese food, I`m sorry, is terrible. This weird thing of adding sugar into each meal… I mean, you can get a plate with fresh veggies sprinkled with sugar. After one year of food torture, I started to cook for myself – luckily we had a small kitchen.
“I LACKED A BIT OF THEORY”
There was one thing at school that I lacked a bit – methodology. I wanted a deeper understanding of the applications of movements and their philosophy, but we had zero theory. I realized that I was missing it only when I went to India and started practicing yoga with lots of theory. But I have to say that in Chinese martial arts and culture generally, there are lots of figuring out on your own. I was expected to practice it over and over and over again to understand it. Understanding through practice – this is the meaning of kung fu.
Every once in a while, we had small inspirational talks with the master. He was watching us and saw if someone needs a talk. Then he would call a person in the office and hold a conversation. It never was a big and pathetic speech, something like you see in the movies. No, it was simple and very sincere, and for me, it was easier to relate to him. He was a person like us, like me. For instance, when we were practicing tai chi, he used to whisper very quietly, “Relax, relax…” and after this, full scream, “Relaaaax!” which for me made him seem human. We still keep in contact by the way.
“YOU PRACTICE THE SAME ALL OVER AGAIN”
Do you know what it’s like studying martial arts? It’s like a curve – the first month is hard; your entire body is in constant pain. After your body is used to it, you start enjoying it. In the first months, you have a lot of progressing points, you learn a lot, and observe a lot. But later on, you reach a point when you are still improving, but it is difficult to notice. So you feel a bit frustrated. Also learning martial arts is a slow thing; you have to practice the same all over again.
“I GOT TIRED TO TRAIN 8 HOURS EVERY DAY”
So after spending at school 1.5 years, I realized that I needed a break. Firstly, I was freaking tired to train 8 hours a day, five days a week. Secondly, let’s take into account that all the time, you live with a bunch of people. I loved most of them but there were some that I really disliked and I always was confined to myself with no way to run or hide. I was looking around and seeing mirrors that reflected something that I didn’t like about myself.
Thirdly, I had a lot of problems with the way I affected other people. I suddenly saw that I could have very negative energy with the dark atmosphere around me and vice versa. It really started bothering me and I came to the point when I could not stand it anymore.
To sum up, I felt mentally stuck as well because I got lots of realizations while studying which helped me to discover myself and shed lots of layers and at the same time I got to the point where I had lots of understanding, but I didn’t know how to transform it into action.
So all of these lead me to the point where I understood that I needed to leave and do some internal work. Hence I went to India and spent almost a year there. I did my yoga course, and it helped me a lot. Practicing yoga got me to the place where I am right now – to a much more peaceful place, much more connected.
“MY FRIEND FROM CHINA TOOK HIS LIFE”
One day, I got the bad news that one of my dearest friends from China took his life. He was my brother that I shared my life with for almost two years. He stayed a few more months after I left China and then he came back to Norway.
What I understood from his mother, he did that because he could not handle the injustice of the world. He was too sensitive and strong at the same time. He was the strongest person that I`ve seen in my life! And I doubt that I will ever know the person that is more determined, focused, and self-disciplined. I think after living so many years in China, he came back to Norway, starting to teach, not really succeeding…
It made me realize that you never ever know what the person in front of you is going through. It also made me kind of honor him in following his steps of self-discipline and not giving up. He inspired me. I realized that I want to change. And there are no excuses. No talking. It`s just a pure decision. It’s a free choice not to identify myself with what I was before.
Look, I used to say – I am an angry person. So I said to myself back then, “Stop saying that and you will stop being an angry person.” It’s hard to say but his death was a wake-up call for me. After each yoga practice, I still say, “Thank you, Giorgio.”
“I DREAM TO TEACH YOGA AND MARTIAL ARTS”
I don`t have any particular plans so far. I play with the idea of having my own space in nature, my own studio where I could teach yoga, martial arts, maybe somehow combined with animal shelters. When people don’t have money, they could volunteer in shelters instead and get free classes. This is one of my dreams. It’s not a goal – something that I want to reach. Not at all. I try to look at the things that are happening to me as not good, not bad, but lessons.
“I FEEL LIKE I HAVE MYSELF NOW”
I never have any regrets – I used to say that since I was a kid. Everything I did in my life brought me to where I am right now, so why would I regret it? This is where I am supposed to be.
I believe that you have to experience in order to evolve. You know, a lot of people get a lot of their ideas and ideologies from books. I feel like my way is through exploring myself. I learn through experience.
Ever since I started learning more about martial arts, Buddhism, and yoga philosophy, I realized that a lot of things that they talk about are things that I already reached on my own – because I have an internal dialog. And I like seeing that. It gives me assurance telling me that I am on the right path. Even if there’s no path or I can’t see it. Maybe that means that I`m on the right path, you know. So… I feel good. Yeah. Feel like I have myself now — much more myself than before.
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